Sawdust and Planks

If you're like most people, when you have a problem with someone else, you focus on what that person did wrong. You think the problem would get better if the other person would change. Yet read what Jesus said:

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye (Matthew 7:3-5).

Jesus said we must first focus on our own shortcoming, on changes we need to make. This is not to say that those around us don't have faults, bad habits and sins. They do. But despite that, God wants us to focus first on our part.

Evaluate yourself: Do you use any of these excuses?

Do you use any of the following excuses for focusing on others? Rate yourself from 0 to 10 on each one. As you read, substitute "he," "she," "his" "her" or "their" where appropriate.

"0" means, "I never think (or say) this."
"10" means, "I think (or say) this a lot."

"It is all his/her/their fault." My score (0-10): ____

It probably is not! It is extremely rare that one person is all right and one person is all wrong. Honestly confront your own faults, even if you think you are only one percent wrong and the other person is ninety-nine percent wrong.

"Sure, I get angry, but it's only because of how he treats me." My score (0-10): ____

When you say this, you are excusing your own sins by blaming them on the other person. Adam blamed his wife when God confronted him for sinning (Genesis 3:11-12), but God did not accept his excuse (Genesis 3:17-19). Nor will God accept your excuses.

Regardless of what others do, you need to respond in a Christ-like manner. Paul wrote, "Do not repay anyone evil for evil" (Romans 12:17). He went on to write, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21).

"I am so angry that I could just___________." My score (0-10): ____

The Bible says that you must overcome your anger and not use it as an excuse to sin. Paul wrote, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:26-27). If you do not accept your bad temper as a personal problem, you will always find reasons to be mad at others, since everyone is imperfect. You need to:

Confess that you have an anger problem.

Ask forgiveness from God and from others.

Learn how to react to aggravations or disappointments lovingly.

"I need to confront them about their sin." My score (0-10): ____

Yes, sometimes we need to confront others' sins. But this may be rarer than we think. Look again at Matthew 7:3-5 and you will see three elements:

First, you must take the plank out of your own eye.

Then you can see clearly.

Once you see clearly, you can lovingly help remove the speck from someone else's eye.

If you try to remove the speck from the other person's eye without first taking the plank out of your eye, you cannot see clearly and will hurt the other person. Paul made a similar point in Galatians 6:1 when he wrote, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently."

"She hurt me and I want her to suffer." My score (0-10): ____

You may feel that you have suffered grievous wounds and desire revenge. But the Bible warns that it is God who avenges, not us (Psalm 94:1). Jesus says, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) and remember how much Jesus taught about forgiveness. Paul writes, “Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.” 1 Thessalonians 5:15. And Peter says, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9.

"He will take advantage of me if I just focus on my own issues." My score (0-10): ____

That is possible, but it is not likely. The most common result is just the opposite: The changes you make usually inspire others to change too.

Hints to help you take the beam out of your own eye

Pray to change. Although we can easily see the other person's faults, we often are blind to our own role. For most of us, it is HARD to shift the focus from others to ourselves. Ask God to help you see clearly.

Ask, "Did I contribute to the problem?" Think about the last few days. Have your actions helped set the stage for the current problem? As you become aware of how your emotions, actions and words affect others, you likely will discover that you contribute to problems more than you realize.

Spend some quiet time with God, asking Him to show you your part of a problem.

You also could ask someone who seems upset, "Have I offended you?" Or, "You seem upset. Have I done something wrong?" If you do this, listen carefully without getting into an argument.

Ask yourself, "How can I help in this conversation?" Listen to the other person (You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19). Seek to truly understand his or her opinions and emotions. When you understand where the other person is coming from, look for ways to minister to him or her as you talk.

Speak courteously and respectfully. God wants us to speak with love and courtesy, whatever the circumstances. Our words should be chosen “prayerfully”!. Even if you need to take strong actions, control your anger. “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” (Proverbs 29:11).

Stay balanced

Although it's important to focus on changing yourself, it's possible to take this principle to unhealthy extremes.

Do not blame yourself for all the problems in a relationship. Even though you need to concentrate on changes you need to make, do not blame yourself for everything wrong in your relationships. Of course there are things you need to work on. On the other hand, you are not the only one with problems. It is reasonable to be aware that others have faults; just do not concentrate on them.

Sometimes you really need to talk about problems. You need to talk about problems from time to time. The key is to do it God's way--with courtesy and respect.