Bitterness ... We've Got to Own It.

Are you struggling with bitterness? Are you hurt and afraid of becoming bitter? Are you challenged by these thoughts on bitterness?

Has someone ever said or done something to you for which you found it difficult to forgive them? Do you remember when you felt the sting of betrayal from a friend? The next few weeks after the incident something began to stir inside of you, it wasn’t pretty. You find yourself quickly snapping at kids, spouse, friends or coworkers. Before you know it, you have disconnected yourself from other friends, and you feel that you can’t even talk to God about the situation.

Every time their very name is brought up, this could even be years later, it still brings butterflies to your stomach. When you think of them, your heart rate increases. And you can feel your blood pressure rising when you think of what they said or did. It’s as though you were reliving it again, just thinking about it!

If so, it may be that you are a prisoner of bitterness. Which is a shame…because bitterness often doesn’t even touch the person you are bitter toward, but it sure will harm you, no exceptions. Like Frankenstein, bitterness is a monster which turns on its creator, and causes internal damage beyond compare.

The other person continues their life, and may be happy and content, and never even think about you, but because you hold bitterness for them, they continue to control your life.

You are hurt and angry. And from this anger, bitter roots are planted deep in your soul.

Now it would be an amazing story to tell about how you confronted this friend, your relationship was restored and you never had to deal with this bitterness again.

But often this isn’t the story, bitterness often wins out!

Over the next few months, you began to discover that bitterness becomes the ultimate corruptor of your faith. Even though you had been treated unfairly, bitterness can cause a new separation between you and God.

Sometimes those closest to us are the ones we are so easily hurt or offended by. Extending grace to the cashier at the Wal-Mart who miscounted our change seems easier than to a close friend who has wounded you.

Now you have to do something or that one moment of hurt is going to keep controlling you.

You may be convinced that God was not super concerned with your hurt or feelings. But He is interested, and gently, He, if we allow Him, will show you how through His Word, how dangerous bitterness can be in our lives.

We can’t disconnect our heart and our thoughts. The two run side-by-side. Being honest with God and ourselves isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s harder to see the truth than it is to see lies. Living in denial has never worked out to great for anyone.

Psalm 139:1 encourages us to ask God to examine our thoughts. “O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.”So we need to ask God a hard question, “Has this hurtful situation become an extension of bitterness in my life?”

The answer is in His Word. “……. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. …….” Here is the key answer: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:29-32

So now the answer to the “hard question” is Yes.

You may gossiped about this situation, wasn’t able to sleep at night because you were so angry, grieved the Holy Spirit in you, and you have no compassion because you have been hurt.

Now if you put together the ugliness of bitterness with what the Bible says, we see how this sin separates us from God and from others.

God continued to show us that being hurt isn’t our sin to own, people are responsible for what they do. But what we do with that hurt, anger, frustration is how the cycle of sin has the potential to continue. Satan knows that bitterness is very effective with followers of Christ, and he will do what he can to keep that cycle going in our lives.

We will always have the choice: stop the cycle or continue the cycle.

I want to stop the cycle in my life and I’m sure you do too. Here are some practical ways to help stop bitterness at its roots:

1. Don’t replay the event over and over in your mind. It’s funny how we will quickly forget someone’s kindness, generosity or gentleness in our lives. But it is a good chance that we could remember exactly where we were, what was said, and maybe even what we were wearing the last time we were offended by someone. Replay God’s goodness not Satan’s deceit.

2. Stay connected to people who can help you. Sometimes the perspective of another friend can help you sort through the emotions you are experiencing. Avoiding gossip will be challenging as you share your heart, but make it about you and how you are feeling … not so much about the situation. When we are hurt it is tempting to want to just disconnect from everyone but this is really when we need people the most. And we need friends that will tell us the truth. ”Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6

3. We need to own the bitterness in our lives. We can’t continue to blame others for our own continued cycle of sin. People will hurt us but we will always have the freedom to forgive. Forgiveness can be tough, but we can do it and we are commanded to do it. Remember that Jesus said: “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

Soooo, who is that person that comes to mind? For whom do you hold bitterness, if you’re honest with God today? Don’t explain it away…they came to mind for a reason. The Holy Spirit of God brings them to your mind because He loves you and wants to rid you of a cancer that is eating you from inside out!

It may have been last week or last year…it doesn’t make a difference if it was decades ago when you were a child…but you know in your heart that you’ve never truly forgiven them for it.

And whatever you do, don’t say: “I don’t hardly ever think about them at all.” That wasn’t the question. The question is when you DO think about them, or someone else brings it up even, what are your thoughts about them. Let’s all be honest, no denial!

“Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Hebrews 12:15