This is really a new word! It's what happens when you make false assumptions about others so that you can portray them in the worst possible light. We seem to do this all the time.
We are so prone to be suspicious. When we become offended or hurt, we immediately begin to look for evidence that someone did us wrong. We probably have a hard time remembering how many times we done this. But we can usually tell anyone how many times it's been done to us. We tend to track of those things. This is being a bit facetious, but not much. It's really amazing how often we are quick to assume that someone has it in for us.
Assumicide leads to the death of relationships because we end up believing the worst about others. We've all been guilty of drawing wrong conclusions on the basis of tiny scraps of evidence:
He didn't call back so he must not want to talk to me.
I think she's trying to ignore me.
They never hire people like me.
That church is so unfriendly.
How could he be a Christian and act like that?
I saw her in a bar. She must have a drinking problem.
I'll bet they are sleeping together.
He's probably a jerk at home too.
I don't like him. I don't know why. I just don't like him.
She's full of herself.
You can't trust someone who dresses like that.
He's a hypocrite.
And if you are the victim of assumicide, it's very hard to fight back against false assumptions. Few things hurt more than being misunderstood by our close friends. The closer they are to us, the greater the pain. When that happens we discover a lot about ourselves. How we respond when we've been misunderstood tells a great deal about the depth of our Christian faith.
We've all been guilty of drawing wrong conclusions on the basis of tiny scraps of evidence.
In 2 Corinthians 1:12-2:4, Paul has a situation arise in the church he started at Corinth. . After he left a faction arose in the congregation that questioned his leadership. They challenged his authority, insinuated that he wasn't a "real" apostle, attacked his character, and accused him of using the Corinthian church for his own gain. The troublemakers succeeded in turning most of the church against him.
And their chief complaint was this. Paul couldn't be trusted because he had changed his travel plans - not once but twice. He hadn't come back to visit the Corinthians as he said he would. That proved he was a fickle man whose character and message could not be trusted.
Just remember this. Conflicts usually get started over something small. That's how it usually happens. Someone didn't greet us in the hallway, they didn't answer our email, they didn't invite us to their party, they didn't show up for an appointment. Or we heard they said something negative about us. Or they didn't laugh at our jokes. Or they suddenly seem cold when they used to be glad to see us.
Little things. Small stuff. Petty complaints.
From a tiny spark of discontent a mighty flame of unhappiness grows. That flame soon becomes a wildfire that threatens to destroy a relationship. Congregations have split and friendships have ended over things that started very small but grew all out of proportion.
Our Actions May Be Questioned
Keeping your word is hugely important for all us, but especially for spiritual leaders. It's all about integrity, consistency, proving yourself trustworthy, showing up on time, and doing what you said you would do. If people feel like they can't count on you, how will they ever listen to what you have to say?
Our Words May Be Twisted
When others twist your words, do not despair. Speak the truth, explain yourself clearly, and then entrust your future with the God who knows you through and through and in Christ who has anointed you, sealed you, given you the Holy Spirit, and promised to guide you.
If we trust in him, the time of chaos will pass, and we will be stronger for having gone through the struggle.
Our Motives May Be Challenged.
As hard as it may be for some of us to hear, we can't always solve every problem in the world.
Some people won't listen.
Some people love to argue.
Some people have already made up their minds.
Some people have an answer for everything.
How to Respond to Misunderstanding
1. Sometimes we will be misunderstood by our close friends. Quite often misunderstanding is between people who know each other very well. Paul knew the people in the church at Corinth. Yet a rift had grown between them. This happens in marriage, in families, among friends and co-workers, and it certainly happens in every church. If you haven't been misunderstood lately, don't worry. It's bound to happen before long. That's part of the price of living in a fallen world.
2. The best defense is an honest, clear, non-defensive explanation. Paul doesn't complain, doesn't blame, and doesn't point fingers. He isn't long-winded. He lays out his explanation so his readers can decide for themselves why he had not come back to Corinth. 2 Corinthians 1:23-2:4
3. We can't control how people respond to us. Rarely will our explanations convince everyone. Sometimes even our close friends will choose not to believe us. At some point we must decide to leave our reputation in God's hands and walk away from the controversy. "If you live to please people, misunderstandings will depress you; but if you live to please God, you can face misunderstandings with faith and courage".
4. Pray for those who misunderstand you. In a past lesson we have talked about the Sandpaper People in our lives and how to deal with them. It's easy to say "Love the people who misunderstand you," it's hard to put it into practice. But we must do it anyway.
5. We must not return evil for evil. This is also hard, especially when your motives are repeatedly attacked. But look at how Jesus handled those who totally misunderstood Him and really mistreated Him.
He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. 1 Peter 2:23a.
This will happen to us too. We will be misunderstood, we will be mistreated! And that's the real test of our faith. You find out what you really believe when others mistreat you. Sometimes the real test of your faith is what you don't do. Sometimes you'll be a better Christian by not saying anything at all.
What was his secret? How did he do it? The answer lies in the final phrase of 1 Peter 2:23, "He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly." In our day we hear lots of talk about claiming our rights. That spirit comes into the church and we hear people getting angry and saying, "How dare you trample on my rights?" Most of our problems stem from claiming our rights. But the Bible turns that upside down. You aren't to think of your rights first. You are to think of others first.
When you are misunderstood, remember these words: It's not about me. It's not about now.It's all about God. It's all about eternity.
The followers of Jesus will sometimes be misunderstood not only by the world but by other Christians. May God give us the spirit of Jesus that we might handle this as He did.
For prayer requests, comments or to be included in our email ministry, email us at: whosoever@cottagehillbaptist.org.
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